A while ago we had a contest on the Venusian Arts forum to see who could come up with the best voicemail greeting for our lead UK instructor, Discovery.The winner, Jadler, got to request the next topic I wrote an article about for the blog.Jadler’s question was about how to keep things fresh and positive with your wings, both in the field and when just chilling and discussing game.
This really made me sit down and examine how my wings and I interact with each other, and made me take a good hard look about my experiences with past wings and consider what worked and what did not.I considered the wings that have come and gone from my life and why we just couldn’t work well together.I considered the wings I have been sarging with from the very beginning such as Showcase and Wild Card, and what it is that makes us such an awesome team in the field.And I considered the wings that, even though we were only able to sarge together a handful of times and even though they are in other parts of the country (Charisma and Majin, for instance), I could easily just jump back into the field with as if we’d never skipped a beat.
So I took all of that and I came up with a small list of things to do and not to do when you’re working with your wingmen, both in the field and out:
Remember What A Wingman Is
I think a lot of people forget where the term “wingman” originally came from.In aerial combat, the wingman is the guy who watches your back.He is the guy who tries to keep you from getting shot down.He supports you and together you are twice as powerful and far more agile in tight spots than you would be alone.What the wingman doesn’t do is put you down, pick fights with you, try to steal/sabotage your girls, stab you in the back, or betray your trust.You do not need people like that in your life, do you?Your wingman is your brother-in-arms.Protect him and respect him.
Encourage Your Wing
This is the most important part of being a wingman.You have to, HAVE TO, ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO encourage your wing, both in the field and when you’re just chilling and discussing theory and material.I see so many aspiring PUAs out there come back to their wingman after talking to a group of hot girls and not even get so much as a “well done”.You should be just as excited about any advancement your wing makes in the field as he is.Did he receive his first kino pings ever in the field?Tell him how great he did!Did he just get his first make-out?Go buy that man a drink!Did he just have his first same-night-pull?Call him up the next day and give him props!
Remember the value of positive reinforcement.The better you help your wings feel for even the smallest of his successes, the more he will want to succeed.If you and your wings are all constantly adding positivity and encouragement into your group, it will quickly start feeding back into itself and inspire each of you to encourage the other even more.
In order to do this, however, you MUST avoid letting your own insecurities and inner game issues get the better of you.I mean, you want to be happy for your wings when they succeed, don’t you?You would want them to be happy for you, right?So why are you letting yourself feel jealous because he got a make-out and you didn’t?One of the biggest traps that wingmen fall into when they are first starting to hit the field together is competitiveness.Don’t get me wrong here, it’s great to be a little competitive with your wings – but only so long as you both are coming at it from a place of positivity.It should never be about proving something or being better than the rest of your wings, because that’s only going to create animosity and even stronger negative, competitive attitudes.If your wing is gets more numbers than you do and it bothers you so much that you cannot be genuinely happy for him…. you are going to lose your wings.Lovedrop’s “The Ghost and The Flame” model in Revelations applies very well here as well.
Value Different Styles
A PUA should always be open to change.In all aspects of life, the man who is too stuck in his ways to explore anything different will eventually find himself vastly out-skilled by the man who is always ready to try something different.This is incredibly important when you are sarging or hanging out with wings who practice styles of game that appear very different than your own.
One of the hardest things for most PUAs to do when they start meeting new wings is to avoid getting caught up in fanboy camps. It’s so easy to get up in arguing whose style of game is better and it accomplishes nothing.Avoid thinking that your style is better or more correct than everyone else’s.Every single coach in VA has a slightly different style of game in the field.What matters is that they are all based on the same foundation of understanding of the female mind. Seek out other wings who have different styles than you.Observe what works for them and what doesn’t and see if you can implement some of those tactics into your own game.
Don’t Be A Coach – Be A Wingman
A great many people out there enjoy the ego boost that comes from adopting the “coaching” frame with other PUAs.And even though they do not possess anything close to the in-field experience and understanding of the theory behind what we do in the field to back up what they do, you still see them advertising out there, upstart PUA companies run by wannabe gurus that are popping up all over the internet like mushrooms.But that’s not what we’re talking about here.
It’s very easy to go out into the field with some other PUAs and tell them to open girls while you stand around and wait for them to come back for you to critique them.But are you really learning that much?Sure, you can learn a lot about how the game is played by watching what other PUAs do right and wrong, and you do learn a lot of theory by teaching, but why are you really out in the field?To feed your ego?To observe and learn the theory?Or are you out there to practice these skills for yourself?Remember the 3-1 rule of practice vs theory: for every hour you spend reading/learning theory, you should be spending three practicing it in the field.So if you’re going out there every night and just pushing your wing into groups of girls while you watch without being ready to go open the very next group yourself, then you are not getting the most out of your time with your wing.
Be a wingman.You guys are in this together.Good wings have a very strong brotherly bond.We watch out for each other, help each other avoid pitfalls, save each other from egos and insecurities.But do so as a friend and a brother, not a teacher and a mentor.
Challenge Each Other
Every good PUA needs an accountabilibuddy.We all need someone who is going to keep us on the right path and keep our eye on the prize.At times we all need someone to drag us out to the club we think is too loud, or that party we don’t feel like traveling across town for, or to the beach with those girls who you weren’t sure liked you but invited you out anyway.A good wing will always be there to kick your ass when you are feeling lazy or making excuses.
Drag your wing out into the field, even if he bitches and moans about it.Get him excited, come up with crazy experiments (i.e. “we’ll spend the whole night trying to over-neg our girls”, “we can only answer questions with another question”, or “purposely look at the wrong person when responding to someone”), and get out there! Push your wing into girls if AA overtakes him.It’s easy to open a group for your wing with “Hey, my buddy has a question for you…” and then forcing him to take over.Make bets over silly things!First one to get 5 drinks bought for him gets lunch the next day, first one to get 20 people to kiss your belly gets to wear the Championship Belt the next time you go out.You are really only limited by your imagination here.
Debrief after the Club
I’m always kind of surprised when I see PUAs almost rush to get to the cab and get home after the club is out.Unless there is some vital early-morning event that you really do need to get to bed for, I find that, if I’m not going home with someone, it’s always great debrief with my wing while it’s still fresh.Grab a bite to eat at some all-night place or chill out at someone’s place and talk about the night.Almost every single night for the first two years that Showcase and I went into the field together, we would go back to either of our places, smoke some weed, and laugh about the ridiculous things that happened that night.We’d figure out what we did wrong and make a plan for fixing it, and then the next night we’d both be able to remember what the other was going to fix this time around.Again, an accountabilibuddy really helps!
Meet New People
Don’t be afraid to meet friends or wings.If your wing knows someone else or you’ve been talking to someone on a forum, meet him! .It’s surprising how easily egos and insecurities can cause two people who would otherwise have been great friends to want to stay away from each other.Meet new people, check out new venues, bring fresh ideas and energy into the mix!
After a while, you’ll also spot other PUAs in the field. Talk to them! Don’t fuck up things with their girls or try to blow them out – chat them up when they’re not talking to anyone. Who knows, maybe they’ve been looking for a good couple of wings too!
Make sure you are spending some time NOT in the field.Go see a movie.Play a round of golf or paintball or even just chill and play some video games.Invite a wing or two out to a party (just make sure you let him know if anyone is off-limits) or some local event you would both enjoy.Hang out and smoke some weed.Go on double-day-2s together even.
The point is to HAVE FUN with your wing!Have an adventure and create that brotherly bond that every good PUA needs with his wingmen.Fun like this also makes for some great DHV stories in the field.Almost all of my really good stories involve zany situations that my wings and I have gotten ourselves into over the years.Hang out and be friends. Women are especially perceptive of the kind of bond that good friends have and if you are bother high-value males, then this will make you both much more attractive.
Phew, I think that was all of it.Jadler, hope you enjoyed this!
Happy sarging everyone!