This is part seven of my series on phone game. Click here to view my previous articles.
Etiquette is important when you are on the phone. Proper phone etiquette conveys social intelligence and is a DHV. Yet sadly it is something which most people simply do not have. These days, people do a lot of annoying things when they are talking to a person on the phone. As a PUA you need to be a man who not only doesn’t do those things, but also a man who doesn’t stand for it when someone else does them to you. As with my previous articles, everything mentioned below is a guideline only. These rules are not set in stone! You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.
One of the most annoying things that happens on the phone is when you call someone and they are busy with something else and not giving you their full attention. If you call her up and she sounds distracted or busy or like she’s with friends or at work, cut the call short. Have you ever called a woman and then, in the middle of a sentence, had to stop because she got distracted by something else on her end of the phone and was ignoring you? It’s annoying and rude and as a PUA, you should be too busy to sit and wait for her to finish talking to her friend while you are sitting there on the phone alone. Just say “You sound pretty busy over there. How about I call you back.” This will build comfort because it shows that you are mindful of what is going on in her life, and build value because it conveys that you just don’t have time to sit around and wait for her to pay attention to you. If she realizes that she was being rude, she might apologize, in which case you can say “Oh it’s no problem. I just don’t like talking to someone when they can’t give me their full attention. Don’t worry about it.” Do this with a friendly and understanding tone. Do not sound disappointed, angry, or annoyed. She’s a busy girl just like you, and you understand and respect that. You would simply prefer to talk to her when she’s not distracted.
This same rule should apply to you if things start coming up on your end as well. If you cant be sure that you can commit 100% to the conversation without being distracted by external factors, then just let her know that and call her back later. Just say “Hey I’ve got ______ happening over here, and I know how much I hate talking to someone who is distracted by something on their end, so how about I call you back?” This can be a very powerful because it shows that you expect whoever you are talking to on the phone to show you the same courtesy and won’t put up with that kind of rudeness on the phone.
However, having said all that, you can build a tremendous amount of value if you ARE distracted by something important that is happening on your end of the phone. Most of the time, I will answer my phone if I know that she will hear the sounds of adventure and excitement in the background. If there are people laughing, shouting or shrieking excitedly, or if there is music playing in the background then I’ll answer as I’m leaving the room so that she can still hear the noise but will be able to hear me fine. The key here is to let her know that you can only talk for a second because you are in the middle of something, but still talk to her for a little longer so that she can try to hear what is going on. If your target asks you what you are up to you should use your best judgment regarding whether you should tell her or just be coy about it. You’re probably not going to want to tell her that you’re all just playing Call of Duty at your apartment, but you are going to tell her if you’re having some drinks at a friend’s place while he grills up some steaks. The idea here is to demonstrate that you are a busy, sociable guy who has a lot going on in his life. Just be sure to remember the rules for etticate described above when you do this.
Another important rule to remember here is to never give her the impression that you are TRYING to keep her on the phone when she doesn’t want to be. The moment you sense that she’s isn’t really invested in the conversation, end the call. If applicable, get her to call you back, but add in that she can’t call you during a certain period because you will be busy then yourself. The phone is all about comfort. Not just building it, but preserving it as well. She should never feel uncomfortable talking to you on the phone and it should never feel like you are TRYING to keep her there. In fact, it’s a good rule of thumb to end the call before she does, that way you can be sure that you are never dragging things out too long.
Finally, DO NOT rely on texting for your phone game. This is another common trend amongst new PUAs: they see texting (and also online messaging) as a way to avoid the awkwardness and anxiety of a phone call and so they only ever text their targets. But unless you’re dealing with extremely young or immature girls, most women will tell you that a man who texts her instead of calling is probably doing it because he’s too afraid to call her and is thusly is not going to get a date with her.
Don’t believe me? Make this into your opener (“Hey guys, phone or text?”) and find out for yourself. Women are a lot more perceptive about these things than you think.
Texting should be used for sending silly messages back and forth, to let her know you’re thinking of her, or maybe sending a quick update on plans you have already made (see my previous articles on phone game for more on this). It is VASTLY more difficult to build comfort via text than it is through a phone call. People need to hear a voice. They need to feel your emotions when you tell a story. Far too much of the meaning in your communication is lost in text messaging. It’s for this very reason that I almost never add my targets to MSN, Facebook, or any of that stuff until after we have had — at the very least — a solid Day-2.
Well that’s it for phone game. I think I covered everything I’ve learned here in these articles. Check back soon for my next article on make sure you and your wings are learning the most from each other.