phone-girl-laydown

Ever since my last article on How to Get A Girls Number and the release of the VA Phone Game app, a lot of people have been asking me about texting girls – especially when you can’t get them on the phone. If you’ve read the rest of my articles on phone game, you’ll know that I, like many of the master PUAs I’ve learned from, believe that a phone call is far more effective for building comfort and setting up the date than a text message conversation. Now, there are some cases where texting is required or more productive than trying to get her on the phone, and we will get into in a moment. But I want to be clear these are typically either situations that can be avoided with more practice and better comfort game, or unusual situations that are beyond your control.

And yet, because calling a girl on the phone can be surprisingly stressful at first, AFCs and PUAs alike will come up with all sorts of excuses and rationalizations for why it’s OK to text a girl over phoning her. Talking to a woman you hardly know on the phone generates a similar anxiety to approaching her at the club. You fear that she may reject or not remember you (which can be disheartening if you worked hard for that number), or that you won’t know what to say, or that the conversation will be awkward or embarrassing. Compared to all that, texting seems like a pretty “safe” way of talking to a girl, which is why many PUAs try to justify text messaging exclusively with crap like “Well most girls are used to using BBM and Facebook anyway so they’re more used to texting” or “I don’t want to sound nervous on the phone and lose her after all that work” or “I get more time to come up with a better response when it’s with texting”. The problem this is what every other low-value male thinks and does. And unfortunately, most women also recognize texting as the “safe” way of talking to them, so any guy that does this gets lumped in with the rest of the insecure men who are too afraid to call her up and ask her out.

The other major fear men have when it comes to phoning women is that they don’t know when to call or what to do if she doesn’t pick up. The prevailing fear is usually that if she doesn’t phone you back and you have to call her AGAIN, it will look try-hard on your part and you could lose the set. Or even if she does phone you back and you miss the call, you will get stuck in a shitty game of phone tag as you try and fail to call her at a time when she’s free. We’re going to talk about tactics for avoiding this below.

When It’s Ok to Text

Typically, you’ll want to use text messaging to send short messages only. Sending her your number with a little bit of callback humour after you #-close is perfectly fine. Sending small “text pebbles” to spike buying temperature or keep her thinking about you is great too. So is texting to finalize details before your next hangout. As a general rule: use texting for a quick message or buying temperature spike, and use phone calls for comfort and making plans.

That said, we’ll now look at the rare/uncommon scenarios in which you may have to rely on texting over a phone call in order to progress things to the next level after a #-close. These are less-than-ideal situations that can sometimes be avoided with stronger comfort game, but are sometimes simply unavoidable due to circumstances on her part. Where if you don’t text her, you’ll risk falling into the phone tag trap and will risk losing the girl.

There will be times when you will call a woman and she won’t pick up. Many PUAs will get discouraged by this and resort to texting immediately. THIS CONVEYS INSECURITY! There are a million possible reasons why she didn’t answer. She could be at work and unable to answer. She could be out with her friends not hear her phone go off in her purse. She could be screening numbers she doesn’t know (another reason why giving her your number is a good idea when you #-close). Or she could simply be a little nervous about talking on the phone herself.

Regardless, leave a message and if you don’t hear from her, wait a day or two and send her another text followed by another phone call in the evening. You can read more about this formula and why it works HERE. If she calls you back, you’re golden. But if she texts you instead, you will have to calibrate.

You still want to see if you can get her on the phone, so text her a bit back and forth and then try one of the following to see if you can bait her into calling you:

“OMG I have to tell you the craziest thing that happened to me the other day, but text will not do it justice.”
“So I’m more of a phone call person than a text person. Texting is so impersonal.”
“You’re pretty cool, but it’s hard to tell via text. I find phone calls are much more personal.” (for sets where you haven’t had much comfort time yet)

If you don’t think she’ll bite and call you, you can add “You free for a quick call? Or are you one of those BBM/instant message freaks?”

A small percentage of girls will only ever text. Usually after the first or second call (or if you ask them to call you as above) they will text you back with some sort of apology or excuse about work or daytime minutes, etc, etc. This is fine, just respond with something like “No worries I understand. Phone calls just feel more personal, you know?” and then stack into the next piece of conversation via text. Or, you can even reframe it like “No worries. I like phone calls because they’re more personal. But I guess now that just gives me more motivation to see you in person, doesn’t it? I’m on to your tricks now little girl!” or “Yeah phone calls just feel more real, you know? How else will I know you’re not some sort of bearded hill-person pretending to be you?” Others may not explain but only ever text you back if you call. If you’ve called her a couple of times and had her only respond via text messages instead of returning the call, take the response as an IOI for now and give up on calling this girl for now in favour of texting.

Other times you will call a woman and she won’t pick up but call you back later, only for you to miss her call. Then you go back and forth chasing each other on the phone as you play phone tag. This can become very discouraging and can very quickly turn her off of the idea of calling you. Style’s method of dealing with this is to send her a funny text about phone tag and ask her when she’ll be around to chat. Something like:

“Phone tag! You’re it! When are you around to chat?”
“Clearly we both need secretaries to handle all these calls. Have your people let my people know when you’re free to chat.”
“Wow and people say I’M hard to get a hold of. Haha let’s stop playing phone tag. Let me know when you’re around for a chat!”

The bottom line is that, while phoning a girl is usually a better idea than texting, you still need to be flexible and versatile with your phone game. Every girl has slightly different phone habits, preferences, and schedules, so you have to be quick to adjust. I once dated a girl who would absolutely never answer the phone when you called her, but would PHONE YOU BACK if you TEXTED her. Confusing, right? So if I wanted to invite her out I’d have to send her a text like “Hey doll, karaoke with the gang this Tuesday. Gonna rock me some Meatloaf!” and within an hour or so she’d call me right back to sort out the details.

Get into the habit of thinking of texting as a kind of back-up for those times when phoning will not get the result you want and DO NOT rely on it for conversations, building comfort, or inviting her to hang out with you. A phone call shows balls and helps convey your personality, and a verbal invite is a lot harder to say no to than a textual one!

Happy sarging,

Prophet