I was chilling with a beautiful young woman at a party and after a series of strange situations (including her mooning our friends from a van cab) we ended up back at her place for a “smoke”. As she ran to her bedroom to grab her rolling products she “casually” pointed to some artwork of hers that she had left on the table and told me that I could look through them if I wanted. I took the hint that she wanted me to look at her art – and like it – and so I started looking through some of her paintings for things to cold read her on.

For anyone who hasn’t already realized this, making deep cold reads based on any form of artistic expression (paintings, drawings, poems, songs, short stories, etc) she creates is an incredible way to build connection. If you “get” someone’s art, it’s pretty much assumed that you “get” the artist as well. And if you’ve ever heard a woman say something like “he just doesn’t understand me!” then you know how important this kind of connection can be.

So I ran my cold reads (which were actually “hot reads”) while we shared a joint and then things escalated very quickly from there. The rest of that story is pretty much the same standard stuff you’ve heard before, so I’ll save you the repetition. But the next day I got to thinking about how the night had played itself out, and it occurred to me that the tipping point – the moment  that started the rest of the night’s activities in motion – was when she mentioned a sketch she had drawn.

Seeing a perfect opportunity to build some commonalities, we talked about her sketch and then shifted over to how I used to really enjoy painting and sketching back before I really got into writing, and about how I love the works of Dali and Bosch. I was considering going into a little about Da Vinci’s technical genius as an artist and an inventor, but it quickly became apparent that she knew little about art appreciation and so I cut the thread and we talked about art as a means of self-expression instead.

It was during this little discussion that comfort and kino and compliance were built at lightning speed. Why? Because I had found a commonality that was extremely important to her and I had the calibration necessary know how to build upon that.

This is something that is incredibly important when building comfort and creating a connection. You need to be able to build commonalities based on things that are important to her. You need to share at least some interests, desires, fears, and passions. You don’t have to have EVERYTHING in common (in fact, it will be too much to believe if you do), but you need to discover several items that are important to both of you.

The trick here is to develop the calibration necessary to recognize the hot-button interests in her life. Rather than just arbitrarily liking a few things that SEEM like they might be important to her, you should learn to appreciate the big things genuinely.

How do you find those things out?

That’s what deeper qualifying questions are for. That’s what COMFORT IS FOR. When you are having a actual conversation with a girl in C1-C3 (although sometimes comfort routines like the Cube will give you some good information) they will stress or call attention to the things in her life that are important to her. If you don’t know how to have a conversation in C1-C3 you should also check out my article on How To Talk To Girls. Sometimes she will call attention to these things intentionally, as she will want to talk about them naturally, or sometimes she will just put more emphasis on a specific subject unconsciously. She will talk faster or more excitedly about things she is passionate about. She will show them off a bit or go out of her way to make sure you see or understand it. She will return to a topic of importance to her if she wants to make sure you know about it. When she does any of these with a topic, it is probably a good subject to build commonalities on. Sometimes women will also do the polar opposite and be nervous or dismissive about things they are REALLY passionate about (sometimes due to self-consciousness or fear of criticism). If you show a bit of genuine interest in these subjects, they should open right up about them.

The easiest way to start building on these commonalities is to demonstrate that you know something about whatever topic/hobby/passionate/recreational activity she is passionate about. You don’t have to lecture her or show off just how much you know, just have a conversation that demonstrates your knowledge. Then, after you’ve quickly shown that you know at least a little about what you’re talking about, you can appreciate her for being into that topic. If she knows you understand her world, your appreciation of it will mean that much more to her (more on this in a bit).

One thing to note: While it can be sometimes good to “fake it ’till you make it” in the game, pretending to know about or be involved in something that you know next to nothing about will shoot you in the foot when building a connection. If this is something she’s passionate about and she suspects that you are lying or exaggerating about something that she cares about, it will become obvious to her very quickly that you are just trying to impress her. This has a two-fold negative effect: 1) it hints that you are insecure and “trying too hard”, which lowers your value, and 2) it comes across as fake and dishonest, which lowers her trust in you. And why would she want to sleep with a man – let alone start a relationship with one – who sounds like he’s just trying to say whatever he can to get into her pants? On the other hand, if it’s something that you have always been curious about, but have never really gotten into or know very little about, then just be honest about this. As long as you are coming from a genuine place of interest, this is a great thread to ask questions about appreciate her for doing something you’ve wanted to do or learn about, and to create a sense of mutual passion for the subject.

You can also build commonalities by relating something that she is passionate about to something that you are passionate about. For instance, a while ago I was closing a beautiful red-head at a bar and she had told me early on that she was finishing her Masters in something journalism-related. When she brought it up again in comfort I knew that this was something she was TRYING to talk about with me, so I switched the thread and we talked about her passion for writing and conveying information. From here, it was easy to explain how, as an app developer, I have to come up with new and more innovative ways to convey information. While it was here job to craft the information so that it can be read and understood and enjoyed, it was my job to build clever new ways for getting that information to her readers, and presenting it to them easily and efficiently. When I told her we were both in the business of sharing information with the world her whole energy changed and it was obvious that the close was happening. As long as you are imaginative about it, you can reframe almost any two hobbies/jobs/interests to be similar or related somehow.

As I mentioned before, once you build some commonalities and demonstrate either your knowledge or desire for knowledge on a subject of importance to her, you can APPRECIATE her for being into that particular subject. Remember how I said that if you “get” someone’s art, it’s pretty much assumed that you “get” the artist as well? The same is true for almost everything person does. If you understand WHY it’s import to them, then you understand them a little better. To demonstrate this understanding, you have to look for the qualities in the subject/hobby/etc that draws her to it, and then “hot read” and appreciate her for having those qualities herself.

So if she’s a creative person and she wants you to think of her as a creative person, then you appreciate her for being creative. If her art or writing or music or whatever is more about self-expression than the creation of art, then you tell her how love how she is able to express herself through whatever it is she does. If she’s really into helping the less fortunate, then you tell her how amazing it is that she puts herself before others and helps those who others won’t. If she’s an astrophysicist then you can be impressed by her knowledge and passion for trying to understand the vast universe. It’s actually easy to do this, because as you make statements, ask questions, and get to know each other in comfort, she will give you (or at least hint at) all the information you need. All you have to do is keep an ear out and remember to appreciate her on it when the time comes.

Happy sarging,