Posts Tagged when to call a girl

When to Text A Girl


Ever since my last article on How to Get A Girls Number and the release of the VA Phone Game app, a lot of people have been asking me about texting girls – especially when you can’t get them on the phone. If you’ve read the rest of my articles on phone game, you’ll know that I, like many of the master PUAs I’ve learned from, believe that a phone call is far more effective for building comfort and setting up the date than a text message conversation. Now, there are some cases where texting is required or more productive than trying to get her on the phone, and we will get into in a moment. But I want to be clear these are typically either situations that can be avoided with more practice and better comfort game, or unusual situations that are beyond your control.

And yet, because calling a girl on the phone can be surprisingly stressful at first, AFCs and PUAs alike will come up with all sorts of excuses and rationalizations for why it’s OK to text a girl over phoning her. Talking to a woman you hardly know on the phone generates a similar anxiety to approaching her at the club. You fear that she may reject or not remember you (which can be disheartening if you worked hard for that number), or that you won’t know what to say, or that the conversation will be awkward or embarrassing. Compared to all that, texting seems like a pretty “safe” way of talking to a girl, which is why many PUAs try to justify text messaging exclusively with crap like “Well most girls are used to using BBM and Facebook anyway so they’re more used to texting” or “I don’t want to sound nervous on the phone and lose her after all that work” or “I get more time to come up with a better response when it’s with texting”. The problem this is what every other low-value male thinks and does. And unfortunately, most women also recognize texting as the “safe” way of talking to them, so any guy that does this gets lumped in with the rest of the insecure men who are too afraid to call her up and ask her out.

The other major fear men have when it comes to phoning women is that they don’t know when to call or what to do if she doesn’t pick up. The prevailing fear is usually that if she doesn’t phone you back and you have to call her AGAIN, it will look try-hard on your part and you could lose the set. Or even if she does phone you back and you miss the call, you will get stuck in a shitty game of phone tag as you try and fail to call her at a time when she’s free. We’re going to talk about tactics for avoiding this below.

When It’s Ok to Text

Typically, you’ll want to use text messaging to send short messages only. Sending her your number with a little bit of callback humour after you #-close is perfectly fine. Sending small “text pebbles” to spike buying temperature or keep her thinking about you is great too. So is texting to finalize details before your next hangout. As a general rule: use texting for a quick message or buying temperature spike, and use phone calls for comfort and making plans.

That said, we’ll now look at the rare/uncommon scenarios in which you may have to rely on texting over a phone call in order to progress things to the next level after a #-close. These are less-than-ideal situations that can sometimes be avoided with stronger comfort game, but are sometimes simply unavoidable due to circumstances on her part. Where if you don’t text her, you’ll risk falling into the phone tag trap and will risk losing the girl.

There will be times when you will call a woman and she won’t pick up. Many PUAs will get discouraged by this and resort to texting immediately. THIS CONVEYS INSECURITY! There are a million possible reasons why she didn’t answer. She could be at work and unable to answer. She could be out with her friends not hear her phone go off in her purse. She could be screening numbers she doesn’t know (another reason why giving her your number is a good idea when you #-close). Or she could simply be a little nervous about talking on the phone herself.

Regardless, leave a message and if you don’t hear from her, wait a day or two and send her another text followed by another phone call in the evening. You can read more about this formula and why it works HERE. If she calls you back, you’re golden. But if she texts you instead, you will have to calibrate.

You still want to see if you can get her on the phone, so text her a bit back and forth and then try one of the following to see if you can bait her into calling you:

“OMG I have to tell you the craziest thing that happened to me the other day, but text will not do it justice.”
“So I’m more of a phone call person than a text person. Texting is so impersonal.”
“You’re pretty cool, but it’s hard to tell via text. I find phone calls are much more personal.” (for sets where you haven’t had much comfort time yet)

If you don’t think she’ll bite and call you, you can add “You free for a quick call? Or are you one of those BBM/instant message freaks?”

A small percentage of girls will only ever text. Usually after the first or second call (or if you ask them to call you as above) they will text you back with some sort of apology or excuse about work or daytime minutes, etc, etc. This is fine, just respond with something like “No worries I understand. Phone calls just feel more personal, you know?” and then stack into the next piece of conversation via text. Or, you can even reframe it like “No worries. I like phone calls because they’re more personal. But I guess now that just gives me more motivation to see you in person, doesn’t it? I’m on to your tricks now little girl!” or “Yeah phone calls just feel more real, you know? How else will I know you’re not some sort of bearded hill-person pretending to be you?” Others may not explain but only ever text you back if you call. If you’ve called her a couple of times and had her only respond via text messages instead of returning the call, take the response as an IOI for now and give up on calling this girl for now in favour of texting.

Other times you will call a woman and she won’t pick up but call you back later, only for you to miss her call. Then you go back and forth chasing each other on the phone as you play phone tag. This can become very discouraging and can very quickly turn her off of the idea of calling you. Style’s method of dealing with this is to send her a funny text about phone tag and ask her when she’ll be around to chat. Something like:

“Phone tag! You’re it! When are you around to chat?”
“Clearly we both need secretaries to handle all these calls. Have your people let my people know when you’re free to chat.”
“Wow and people say I’M hard to get a hold of. Haha let’s stop playing phone tag. Let me know when you’re around for a chat!”

The bottom line is that, while phoning a girl is usually a better idea than texting, you still need to be flexible and versatile with your phone game. Every girl has slightly different phone habits, preferences, and schedules, so you have to be quick to adjust. I once dated a girl who would absolutely never answer the phone when you called her, but would PHONE YOU BACK if you TEXTED her. Confusing, right? So if I wanted to invite her out I’d have to send her a text like “Hey doll, karaoke with the gang this Tuesday. Gonna rock me some Meatloaf!” and within an hour or so she’d call me right back to sort out the details.

Get into the habit of thinking of texting as a kind of back-up for those times when phoning will not get the result you want and DO NOT rely on it for conversations, building comfort, or inviting her to hang out with you. A phone call shows balls and helps convey your personality, and a verbal invite is a lot harder to say no to than a textual one!

Happy sarging,


Tags: , ,

Phone Game Part 2: While On The Phone

The hardest part of phone game is getting her on the phone (see my previous article on that).  Once you’ve gotten past that hurdle, things can move pretty smoothly if you’re smart and adaptable.  As with my previous article, everything mentioned below is a guideline only.  These rules are not set in stone!  You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.

The most important factor here is your voice.  You should sound confident and self-assured in your tone.  You should speak slowly, deeply, and with pausing, just as you would in the field.  Sounding as cool as you did in the field when you met her while your on the phone is a commonly ignored concept in this field, but it is absolutely vital.  Too many aspiring pick-up artists can run fantastic game in the field, but snap right back to their old selves on the phone and become needy, supplicative, and sometimes downright creepy.  She can never sense any inconsistencies in your personality on the phone.  This is key.

Once you’ve got her on the phone, you have to think of a phone call as sort of a mini pick-up. You start with a quick DHV, qualify her briefly, and then build comfort. I like to immediately tell her about something funny/crazy/interesting that happened later on in the night after my friends and I left the club that we met at but you could use any routine you want as long as it seems relevant to the phone call somehow (i.e. starting the routine with “So I just go this text from my friend and…”). When it’s time to qualify, try to qualify her based on something that has come up in the conversation that the routine has started if you can. Just saying “So….can you cook?” out of nowhere sounds kind of weird.

Here’s a generic example:

“So get this: as we were leaving the club on Friday, my friend Adam was getting literally DRAGGED away by this…not so attractive girl, but Adam is a REALLY nice guy and just couldn’t figure out how to get away from her without hurting her feelings.  So Jamie (you met her, she was the blond in the corset) just trots right over and starts to pull Adam back to us, saying he’s gotta come home with us tonight.  Well the other girl just LOOSES IT and starts freaking out on Jamie.  She gets all in her face and starts trying to shove her and get physical.   Now normally I’d be all like “Yeah catfight!”  But that’s only when it’s people I don’t know, and Jamie doesn’t take shit from ANYBODY so we all rushed in and literally drag Jamie out of there before things got really out of hand. That’s why I love my friends though: everyone’s always watching out for each other, no matter what. From what I gathered though your friends are like that too, am I right?”

From there, you build comfort as normal. You let the conversation flow normally as you both get to know each other better. Just have a conversation. This is something so many PUAs just cant seem to get into their heads and I cannot stress this enough. Whether its ten minutes or two hours, your target should hang up the phone want to immediately call her friends and tell her about this phone conversation she had with this amazing guy who she really connected with. Talk to her, get to know her and above all, appreciate her.

I like to use the phone as an opportunity to talk about what’s going on in my life at the moment. It’s almost as if I’m catching up with an old friend and by creating that vibe, it creates the unconscious illusion of familiarity. See more about the art of conversation in my article about How To talk to girls

You don’t even have to set up the Day-2 on the first call. In fact, unless she brings it up, you probably should wait until at least the second phone call. If you want, you can seed a potential hang-out during your conversation (I would, for instance, mention something about my friends and I all getting together for our weekly wing-night, or maybe that we’re all going to a certain event on such an such a day) and then just not invite her to it until your next call. By not immediately going for the date the first time you talk to her, you convey non-neediness, and may even just leave her thinking “Why DIDN’T he ask me out after we had that great conversation?” Anticipation is a very powerful thing. Use it to your advantage whenever you can.

After your first call, wait two days or so and follow the same pattern above. If she seems really eager to hear from you again, you can call her the very next day if you want, and if the phone call didn’t go as perfectly as you had planned, maybe wait and call her on the third day.  Again, it’s all about calibration here.  You have to gauge how much value/compliance/comfort you have when deciding on what move to make next.

Next on phone game: Part 3 – If She Calls You

Tags: , ,

Phone Game Part 1: When To Call A Girl

Unless you’re only ever having one-night-stands (and if you are, you are probably shooting yourself in the foot with a lot of amazing women), Phone Game can be a crucial part of your game and can be a major sticking point for a lot of men. Anyone who hasn’t got this down yet in their game should make a conscious effort to try to #-close every single set the open. Get as many numbers as you can to practice on, no matter how short or bad your time in the set may have been. The more phone calls you make, the better your phone game will get. Hell, even calling a number that you are certain is a fake or will not respond is still practice and will help you start to feel more comfortable on the phone.

So to help you out, I’ve put together everything I’ve learned about phone game over my years in the field, as well as from other sources like Mehow, TD, Mystery, Lovedrop, and others. This is what works for me, and if you apply a little common sense it should work just as well for you. Since we’ve just rolled out the new site, I’m going to be posting these in a series

Part 1: Making the First Call

The first question that even AFCs ask about calling a woman after you get their number is “when should I call?” Some people say wait two days, some people say wait a week, and some people say call her that night. The truth is that there really is no definite answer. You have to decide when to call based on how your interaction went. I personally like to call her after one or two days, unless it’s a weekend and I know she’ll be busy, in which case I’ll wait until Monday. But if it seems like my game wasn’t exactly on par or she seems like the type to have forgotten me after a couple days, I may call her sooner. I’d personally rather appear a little eager than have to go through the “where do I know you from again?” conversation. It’s a pretty good state-killer. But as I said, there is no definite answer. You have to calibrate based on how the set went.

I’ve personally always liked Mehow’s plan for calling your targets.

The first thing I’ll do is send her a “feeler” text sometime in the early afternoon. This is usually something silly or ridiculous like:

Bunnies are out to get me!

OMG there’s WATER falling from the SKY!

Excuse me, do you have any Grey Pupon?

It’s really a shame we have to get a divorce, your parents are so rich.

I’m too high maintenance for you

Stop flirting with me, I’m too busy right now

You’re sleeping on the couch tonight, young lady

Under my umbrella ella ella eh eh eh

I saw a bobble-head in a store today that looked like you

I think I just saw Jesus and Santa talking outside of a Mc Donald’s

Why is there no blue food?

Someone left a rose on my doorstep this morning and I have no idea who it was

I didn’t want to do this over text, but I can’t keep this from you anymore: I’m pregnant. What are we going to do?!

I feel so old sometimes. I think I’m going to buy suspenders and take up bingo

You may or not get a response to your text. If she does respond, carry the thread humorously for a couple of texts back and forth, and then stop responding on a high note.


Prophet: God I feel so old sometimes! I think I’m going to buy suspenders and take up bingo

HB: u should get glasses with strings on them so u dont loose them

Prophet: and then I’ll start telling the same stories all over and over again and call all you kids whippersnappers

HB: Haha and start every story with well back in MY day?

And then I’ll just stop responding. From there, I’ll wait a few hours and then call her later in the evening. This way you are fresh in her mind and because you just went silent on a high note. If your text game was tight, she’ll be wanting more and will be far more likely to pick up when you call.

However, occasionally you will get a slightly needy or extremely interested girl, and she will still send you texts, even after you have stopped responding. Use your judgment here to decide whether she is being creepy/needy or if she just wants a little more you. She’s sending you IOIs with every message she sends you after you stop responding, so if you decide that it’s the latter you can just call her right then if you want. And if she calls YOU, be sure to answer and say something like “Haha, just couldn’t get enough of me, could you?”

If she doesn’t respond to your initial text, DO NOT SEND HER MORE. Wait until the evening and just call her anyway.

If she picks up when you call, immediately use callback humor. Call her a brat, a troublemaker, your attack kitten – whatever nickname you gave her when you were gaming her. And if you aren’t using nicknames in your sets? Get on that man! It builds conspiracy and will make you stand out from the rest of the AFCs that hit on her that night. It doesn’t HAVE to be a nickname necessarily, however. Any form of callback humor will work, as long as you’re fairly certain that she will remember it.

Next on phone game: Part 2 – How to Talk To Her On The Phone

Tags: , ,